After the fiasco 2 weeks ago, having been trying to make back the money. Made 500 on Wednesday, but loss back everything on Thursday...... what is wrong with my trading?

One reason, is the trade of TXU, went to buy option thinking that to hold it for long term, but never expect that the impact of the loss on Thursday have such great impact on the portfolio result..... lesson learned... do not trade too high value stock, even if it is option, still need to follow the rule.....

Also, think has been trading too many stocks.. need to think how many stocks to restrict myself to trade...... this will help in money management in term of position sizing, and also over-trading.

Came back this morning and told my wife about the trading losses, she said maybe I will be better off trading at home than go to Apollo centre... maybe.......

Feel very sorry for her to have such a useless husband line me.... if I were good, she should be staying at home instead of working.... I want to give here a good life....

And I have my this bloody job.... just get so sick about it... when can I get out of it..... looking at my current situation, I really cannot afford to do trading full time..... I don't know what I can do anymore.... feng shui, fortune telling, seminars... attended all..... supposed to turn for the better now, but instead live thru this year in hell...... can GOD help??

Here it goes again....after a few days of hardwork, make money consistantly , 100-200 per day, then blow it all off yesterday... loss 500 over ... if not for some other position, would have lost 700...

What's wrong with me?? I vowed to be a better trader, but did not follow my rules.......especially on GOOG.... maybe should revert to basic and trade IWM and AAPL..... GOOG cost me $486, IWM cost me 163... if I did not trade GOOG, I would have been up for the day.....

Remember my objective is to be a better trader and not to be right and certainly not to take revenge on the market like GOOG just becasue I lost money initially......

Go and diasect all trades and see where is the mistakes....

Trading seems like never the same since the day I blew it up..... although have been making money, but for some reseaon the account balance does not show up.

Need to work on this more, to get 200-400 perday, if not, how to trade for a living??

many time when looking at newspaper and magazines, saw those successful people, like the lady banker in Morgan stanley, she is only 38, same age as I do, but is far ahead of me. Given my personality and my drive, I am just thinking I will be falling further and further behind.

Not that I care that much, since I think an isloated and quiet life is more suitable for me, but the thought of achieving lesser than others just does not make me feel good. Maybe this is what is meant by jealousy. The other thing is of course financially, that mean that I am not as good as them, and I really could not careless what other perople achieve as long as I can be financially free......... I am embarking on this journey to financial freedom, but I just do not know if I can make it.......

I hope that I can survive in the arena of trading and can make a living out of it.

Last night will go down history as my worst trading day in my life. How the hell I lost 3,000 in one night!! I was so upset about myself and really feel like dying.... all my dreams, hope has just gone down the drain...
What am I doing?I was short AAPL and IWM, and when IWM goes up, I should have cut my losess and turn long... but instead, I just keep shorting everytime I was stopped out...

I think I just wanted to be right and stubborn, and also unwilling to take a lost last night for no reason.... the price pattern is not for short, idot!!....

I looked at my wife who is sleeping then and felt so sorry for her... I wanted to do this for her.... I wanted to give her a better life.... but now, all bets are off......

Have to learn from this mistake..... probably has to take a break to reflect on my mistake......I am just afraid that the damage done to my confidence and pshcology........ need to be strong, i told myself, if you can down 30 k in Jan and up 60 k in Feb trading for company, you can do it for yourself.

Waking up feeling depressed.... really don't feel like going to work.... all sort of craps... but now still cannot afford to do that, damn it.

Planing to quit after Feb holiday, if I can survive till then, that is. My wife has been looking forward for the trip, cannot disappoint her.... die die also have to endure till then....

Still working hard for my trading business.... hope to consistantly make money from the market... need to be disciplined....

There is this fear depp inside.... what if I cannot make it? how am I going to earn a living?? This fear keep holding me back....

Wake up in the moring at 7.30.... actually thought of going to the beach, but how to at this time?? So instead went out for breakfast and go to town together with my wife.... alight at far East sq and noticed that the Hans over there had closed shop.... what a pity, no more place to go next time.... probably has to go to GE building....

Sit there for a while to read, and then go to the gym, just for 45 mins.... bath and take lunch.... wonder whether to go back home, but thought of taking train and bus put me off... so when for a movie instead.....

after finished reading the book "Trading to Win", trying to see what is my problem......

Deep inside me, I wanted very much to be able to trade for a living, but the fear of failure keep pulling me back.... think best is to do it on a part time basis until I can surpass my full time income..... damn it....

Need about USD8,000 per month to qualified for full time trading.... now my P&L for this month is only 2500... and still have open position, so may be worst when moneday start....

Received a letter from The Edge, giving me a discount voucher to an Italian restaurant in Holland v.....thought is a good thing that if I can make another 200 in the market, than I am just 500 away from my target.... can celebrate with my wife and give me a nice meal...

Strated off with AAPL on a good start.... wanted to make a bit more to top 37,000 in account, but horrible events started from here.... do not know what the hell am I doing.... not following rules and engage in revenge trading..... damn it, at the end of the date was down 1 k.... how to trade for a living like this.


At that time, the thought of dying actually come across my mind.

I am just too tire to continue with life in this manner.... too much trouble and really do not have the energy to continue to deal with all sort of problems.... I just want to give my wife my best and for her to have a comfortable life..... at least she should not suffer just because she marry me..... I think I fail as a husbank.... sometimes, or in fact quite often, I think she would probably be much better off not marring me that time. I think she will be much more better off than to marry such a useless husband like me....

Started of the trading day with quite ok result, made about $380, which is above my min. target of $200. But the damn thing was that affected by fellow trader to go long on ECA on some stupid rumours and lost quite a bit on that. It took an error in the execution to salvage some money back. Lesson learned.... do not be influence by other people.

All in all , make about $150. With another 7 trading days to go, need to make another $700, or average $100 per trading day to hit target of $4000 per month min.

Luckly did not did what MW or another trader did, to sell GOOG $320 put, thinking that it will not gap up that much.... GOOG post session traded up to 335, ie., a loss of 1500 per contract short less premium of about 180.....

Drive back home feeling not great, as should have make more $$.... but still ok, still up for the day.... though notsure what will the mark to market be.


Time to get the newspaper out to see the red cross address, make some donation to the earthquike victims of Pakistan.

Work up today feeling really tire...... kept awake last night till 12 plus due to holding on to ER2.... the lucky thing is that ER2 came off overnight and make some money.... another step towards my goal....

Really feeling sick at work..... boss going for holiday next week.... this is his thrid holiday since I joined, and I have yet to go for mine........ think should go away for a short trip, but not sure where to.....

Boss keep asking on bank cost control, what the fish!! don't know how to do lah.... feel like just telling him not interested.... very sian, everyday do this type of work.... the day I am confident of trading for a living is the day I will fire my boss............

Not sure if I ever have the guts to go full time on trading, but I think probely don't have a choice leh....... so better to work hard on becoming a better trader.

Tuesday 18 Oct

Last night trading had really taken a toll on me. Work up at 2.30 am to monitor my position. But at least I lower my stop on IWM. It would have been stopped out this moring but still pocketed some profit...... GOOG has a good run... so should be up overall...

The stupid advisor's series are draining money and profit out of the portfolio.

AAPL trade was not good, need to understand what went wrong for me, why I entered the trade.... have this feeling that it is not a valid entry....

Work up feeling sick... need to rest....Went to see a GP, get a MC, come back home to sleep. But bloody contractor doing renovation in don't know which floor... cannot sleep.

Wake up, have some cereral and bread for lunch..... log on to computer to do the cash balance for company work........ damn it, what sort of life is this?

I must really plan to get myself of this shithole.....

Target to go trading full time next year March...... but can I? I have confident in my trading, but.....there is always a BIG BUT.....

If you do not have a plan, then it is most likely that you are part of other people's plan..... I donot want to be part of other people's plan......

That is why I have to take action...... I am not sure... but if everything happen for a reason, then this whole episode of me joining this company as the regional treasurer, the reason must then be for me to take action towards trading full-time.... I will probably not do that if I am still in my previous job.....

I am trying to be a better trader everyday..... just focus to be a bettr trader everyday, and the money will come......

Have been thinking of this for a long time....... trading full time and make a living out of it.

Frustration in work, do not know where I will be heading if I were to continue with this job. No passion for the job, and passion, I believe, is the key to anything..... I have so much thing I wanted to do, but without the financial resources and time, how to do?

It is difficult to take the leap, staying away from the comfortable monthly paycheck.... can I make it? Not if base on the current trading results...... but I think I am getting better.....

Have not discussed with my wife, but planning to do it....

Wanted to leave end of the year or next year, after getting my AWS and VB if there is any.... this nagging feeling .... From young, I said that I wanted to be a stock broker. Of course, at that time I do not know what is the difference between a stock trader and a broker. What I really wanted is to be a trader. And this want of being an entreprenur.... doesn't this trading on your own for a living stuff combine the two?

So what am I wating for??

Again, it is the monthly paycheck thing.... and if I cannot make it, how am I going to earn a living?? I cannot even be a hawker!!

Friday 14th October.

A day wasted. Started the day trading AAPL and made $200 in the first 15 minutes after the opening bell.... thought can close for the day.

Unfortunatley, a mistake in BSX made my day bad. Wanted to buy 100 shares, but default was set at 500, so the execution was for 500. Should have gotten out the extra 400, but instead turned it into a intra day trading position and got stopped out. What worst is that I engaged in "revenge trading", try to make back the money, but lost again. Went to short IWM for no reason and got stopped out again.

All in all, instead of making $200, only made $50.

Lesson learned, get out of the position once a mistake was made........