Another day, another fustration.... why do I need to go through all this shit?

Already, I try to be more mallow and try to get by with my current job. Just hope that I get get by and my trading can supplement my income. but it seems now that I cannot even hang on to this simple wish. I increasingly think that my boss is trying to get rid of me.

I cannot afford to quit now because my trading is still not stable. Especially after yesterday whereby the market just went against me. Still have almost 2 weeks to go, oil futures is down 2 bucks, and if OIH and XLE follows, my losses will increase. Just took a long AUD position, but this is mainly to bet against the 2 idots. Under normal circumstances, I will not do the trade as it is not according to my rule. So this is just emotional reaction.

I look at the wage survey everyday..... looking at the Managing Director row.... median pay is 14,935, and this is the target I am aiming for. With my current pay of 8k, I need to make 7k from my trading. Can I? If without this job, I need the full15k from trading. I really have no confident at this moment. But still, I have to work towards it. As the top students in school, being poly or NUS, why should I settle for an average life? I should be right at the top, but I really under achieve. So this is my only chance to right a wrong.

So if I can make it, I will feel much better. At least I have something to shout about, at least I can be giving out my name card with a MD title without being shy about it, at least I can provide my family member with the good things in life.

So God, please help me to help myself....