Walking in the airport and it seems a world of a difference it made.
Previously, my feeling is an exciting one as I trvalled on company account. Though I do not have the privilege of business class, but every trip is a type of "bonus" for me as I travel for business, I have a job so that my expenses are not a problem.
Today, it is a very different thing. I lost my job, and now, I need to even consider every cent that I spent. Furthermore, with my new born son, I also need to consider about his expenses.
I just pray to God that things will turn out well for me and that after I return from Jakarta, I can get a job in treasury so that I can continue with my life. I pray to God everyday for a job. I alsoi pray to God everyday for the forgiveness from IN so that he will let matter rest.
I just hope to get on with my life. Maybe not to the old stlye, but at least I do not need to count every cent. I just cannot afford to let my wife carry the burden of providing for the family. I pray to God that what brother Alan prayed for me will come through, whereby he prayed that I will get a job within a month and that not only it being a job, but also a career that I can build upon. I am very tired. I have no intention to leave. I realised that my skill set is really limited and that I need to build up some solid work experience.
I am not sure what else can I do except to pray to God and hope that m y prayer will be answered. I am still hoping that God will give me clear direction. I am not sure if I feel him, but I pray that he can help me to remove any doubt, so that I have total trust in him. I wanted to come to Lord like a child.
I am facing the greatest crisis of my life and if I can pull this through, it must be God that help me along the way. This is my second time being jobless for awhile, and I really hope that I can get back to work by 10 or 17 Nov. It feel so lousy that when everybody is working, I just stay at home and do nothing.
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Just received a call from ex-company and she said that they will only pay me my sep salary but not the ex-gratia. I told her I have no qualms about it but would like to speak to IN personally to aplogise to him.
Really, I am so stupid to commit such act which is navie and foolish. I hope that by him paying me the sep salary will mean that he has forgiven me. At least this is something than I can put it behind me and I wish I can get on with my life. I pray to God everyday for IN's forgiveness, and with today's call, I think my prayer is being answered. I thank God for it.
Really, I am so stupid to commit such act which is navie and foolish. I hope that by him paying me the sep salary will mean that he has forgiven me. At least this is something than I can put it behind me and I wish I can get on with my life. I pray to God everyday for IN's forgiveness, and with today's call, I think my prayer is being answered. I thank God for it.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
It is really depressing as I lost my job. It is a very bitter experience, and what is worst is that I committed a stupid error. I just hope that I can overcome this greatest crisis of my live.
I have been going to church for 7-8 years in my younger days and also attended cell group meting, but stopped for a very long period of time. I am still not a Christian by then. But 2 Sundays ago, I decided to revisit church and I spoke to a pastor.
I read the materials he gave me and attended two consecutive service and also the miracle service.
After that Sunday, I received a call from a school telling me that they are offering me a job. Than on Tuesday, ath called and ask to meet up. I told my wife about it and she said that it may be a coincident. She said maybe it is the work of xu yi ting when I went to see her the other week and she light up candle for me. Honestly, of course, I do not have the answer.
I accepted Christ and my faith is with Him, but whether if there is any conflict by believing in fengshui, I am not sure. Xu said that I will get an offer sometime in Dec, but I will not be satisfy with the offer. I will also have help from a person in Jan, so she said that I need not worry too much. So with the lights she burn for me, did it actually accelerated the process? If this is the case, than does it mean that the help from that person will come end of this month or next month if based on the acceleration timing? And wo can this person be? Is it ATH, who incidentally he is born in the year of pig, whereby it is the year where people born during those year will be of great help to me? Furthermore, ATH does hinted that he may be looking for people, but he is non-committal, except to say that things will be clearer this week. I really hope that he is looking for people and that I can have a job offer from him. After all, having worked with him before, I think we are comfortable with each other. And I think the type of job will be closer than what I had been doing. So is the job offer from the school the type of offer that Xu said that I will not be satisfied with? and than follow by the appearance of a person that will be of help to me, which is ATH?
I really need a proper job in treasury. I pray to God everyday that I can get a job offer from ATH to join him. And as what brother Alan prayed fro me, that is for me to get a job within a month and also not only a job, but a career. I am very tired and I do not want to move anymore, what I want is to stay on and do a good job and progress with the company.
Everyday, I am saying my prayer, and I wanted to open up my heart and accept Christ like a child. I wanted peace, joy, and freedom in my heart, and I also wanted to off load my burden upon God. I know that I myself cannot handle this crisis alone. I know that God has a plan for me, and hopefully His plan is the same as what I have in mind. I really pray that my sin can be forgiven, and I thank Lord that he die for our guilt 2000 years ago, and His blood cleanse our sin.
I try to fell God and I long for His direction. I am not sure I have the feeling yet. I wanted to speak to somebody with regard to this. Is it that I still have doubt and that is why I cannot feel Him? I am not sure. The advice I got is to trust God, which I am trying very hard to do it. I say the prayer, accepting Christ. I read the Bible, though there are many things I am unsure of in the Bible, and I attend church service. I hope that as time passes by, as my faith grow, I can experience God.
What I can do now is to continue to pray to Him. I pray that I N can forgive what I 've done. I hope that things can be put aside and I can get on with my life. I pray that I can get a job offer from ATH so that I can fulfill my responsibility as a father, a son, and a husband. I thank God that my first interview with "F" company has gone well. The second interview, which is going to happen next week, but due to my commitment, I will be away the whole of next week. Luckily, a phone interview can be arranged, though I was told that I will be disadvantaged because of this. Again, I must have faith that things are being planned for. So I just have to take it one step at a time.
On reflection of my past, I really think that I am a failure. As what Steven said, I seem to be not having good relationship with boss. This is my problem, and I always think that I am the one that is "correct". I vow that I will not commit the same mistake again in my next job, if I can get one.
I cannot imagine if I do other things like security guard? Taxi driver? or in F&B line? Actually not even sure if they want to hire me given my skill set is totally irrelevant.
I just have to pray to God that things will ultimately turn out well, as shared by many people with me. People like Lina, etc. Sometimes I think maybe this is God's plan, so that I can spend time with Lucas in his beginning months.
I have been going to church for 7-8 years in my younger days and also attended cell group meting, but stopped for a very long period of time. I am still not a Christian by then. But 2 Sundays ago, I decided to revisit church and I spoke to a pastor.
I read the materials he gave me and attended two consecutive service and also the miracle service.
After that Sunday, I received a call from a school telling me that they are offering me a job. Than on Tuesday, ath called and ask to meet up. I told my wife about it and she said that it may be a coincident. She said maybe it is the work of xu yi ting when I went to see her the other week and she light up candle for me. Honestly, of course, I do not have the answer.
I accepted Christ and my faith is with Him, but whether if there is any conflict by believing in fengshui, I am not sure. Xu said that I will get an offer sometime in Dec, but I will not be satisfy with the offer. I will also have help from a person in Jan, so she said that I need not worry too much. So with the lights she burn for me, did it actually accelerated the process? If this is the case, than does it mean that the help from that person will come end of this month or next month if based on the acceleration timing? And wo can this person be? Is it ATH, who incidentally he is born in the year of pig, whereby it is the year where people born during those year will be of great help to me? Furthermore, ATH does hinted that he may be looking for people, but he is non-committal, except to say that things will be clearer this week. I really hope that he is looking for people and that I can have a job offer from him. After all, having worked with him before, I think we are comfortable with each other. And I think the type of job will be closer than what I had been doing. So is the job offer from the school the type of offer that Xu said that I will not be satisfied with? and than follow by the appearance of a person that will be of help to me, which is ATH?
I really need a proper job in treasury. I pray to God everyday that I can get a job offer from ATH to join him. And as what brother Alan prayed fro me, that is for me to get a job within a month and also not only a job, but a career. I am very tired and I do not want to move anymore, what I want is to stay on and do a good job and progress with the company.
Everyday, I am saying my prayer, and I wanted to open up my heart and accept Christ like a child. I wanted peace, joy, and freedom in my heart, and I also wanted to off load my burden upon God. I know that I myself cannot handle this crisis alone. I know that God has a plan for me, and hopefully His plan is the same as what I have in mind. I really pray that my sin can be forgiven, and I thank Lord that he die for our guilt 2000 years ago, and His blood cleanse our sin.
I try to fell God and I long for His direction. I am not sure I have the feeling yet. I wanted to speak to somebody with regard to this. Is it that I still have doubt and that is why I cannot feel Him? I am not sure. The advice I got is to trust God, which I am trying very hard to do it. I say the prayer, accepting Christ. I read the Bible, though there are many things I am unsure of in the Bible, and I attend church service. I hope that as time passes by, as my faith grow, I can experience God.
What I can do now is to continue to pray to Him. I pray that I N can forgive what I 've done. I hope that things can be put aside and I can get on with my life. I pray that I can get a job offer from ATH so that I can fulfill my responsibility as a father, a son, and a husband. I thank God that my first interview with "F" company has gone well. The second interview, which is going to happen next week, but due to my commitment, I will be away the whole of next week. Luckily, a phone interview can be arranged, though I was told that I will be disadvantaged because of this. Again, I must have faith that things are being planned for. So I just have to take it one step at a time.
On reflection of my past, I really think that I am a failure. As what Steven said, I seem to be not having good relationship with boss. This is my problem, and I always think that I am the one that is "correct". I vow that I will not commit the same mistake again in my next job, if I can get one.
I cannot imagine if I do other things like security guard? Taxi driver? or in F&B line? Actually not even sure if they want to hire me given my skill set is totally irrelevant.
I just have to pray to God that things will ultimately turn out well, as shared by many people with me. People like Lina, etc. Sometimes I think maybe this is God's plan, so that I can spend time with Lucas in his beginning months.
Friday, October 10, 2008
My life is in a tailspin.... I was retrenched. What job can I find now? probably nothing, I cannot even find a $2000 job. Why is this happening to me?
Worst, I try to trade and make money but instead lost $50,000! what the hell is happening? My wife just delivered a baby boy and I got fired 2 weeks after that, what can be worst timing than this? And to make matter worst, my stupid action make cause me problem later, depending on that guy if he will keep to his word and forget the matter.
I feel so tired and I really want to commit suicide.... if I die, my wife will get a sum of insurance money. I am a good for nothing, those around will be better without me around. But after I check the website for some painless way to commit suicide, I realised that cutting of the wrist is not foolproof. Other way of dying is the same. Unless I chhose to jump off from a high building, but I just cannot imagine the pain. I just cannot understand how some people can choose this path. Also, it seems that suicide is a crime that I have to pay for after I die, by getting burn in hell..... so there is no way out for my suffering! So God please help me! What should I do? I have no job, no money. I cannot just sit around and wait for my wife to support me. And what am I to do for the whole day at home?
I really want to die..... I just do not know what to do with my life. My wife will be better off without me around. I always feel sorry for my wife for marring a useless bum like me. I should be giving my wife the best. Even if not the best, at least she need not be worry for me and we can still go for holiday every year. But know, all is gone.
What should I do? God, please help me.
Worst, I try to trade and make money but instead lost $50,000! what the hell is happening? My wife just delivered a baby boy and I got fired 2 weeks after that, what can be worst timing than this? And to make matter worst, my stupid action make cause me problem later, depending on that guy if he will keep to his word and forget the matter.
I feel so tired and I really want to commit suicide.... if I die, my wife will get a sum of insurance money. I am a good for nothing, those around will be better without me around. But after I check the website for some painless way to commit suicide, I realised that cutting of the wrist is not foolproof. Other way of dying is the same. Unless I chhose to jump off from a high building, but I just cannot imagine the pain. I just cannot understand how some people can choose this path. Also, it seems that suicide is a crime that I have to pay for after I die, by getting burn in hell..... so there is no way out for my suffering! So God please help me! What should I do? I have no job, no money. I cannot just sit around and wait for my wife to support me. And what am I to do for the whole day at home?
I really want to die..... I just do not know what to do with my life. My wife will be better off without me around. I always feel sorry for my wife for marring a useless bum like me. I should be giving my wife the best. Even if not the best, at least she need not be worry for me and we can still go for holiday every year. But know, all is gone.
What should I do? God, please help me.
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