It has been a long time since I update this blog.

I was out of a job in Aug. I am lost and I do not know what to do.... so I told my wife I am going to church again, after a break of 11 years. While I went to church previously, I was never a Christian. This time, I said the prayer and by definition, I have accepted Christ and become a Christian. I pray to God to shoulder my worries. I pray to God to give me a job.

It seems that God answer my prayer a month later, and now I am with this company. But after almost 3 months here, I found that it is not what I wanted. The people in this company is each for his own. My boss is somebody that will steal his subordinate's credit and push the blame. Worst, he knew nothing about treasury! How can it be? I thank God for giving me a job, but I must say that I am not sure if this is what God's plan for me. Why He gave me a job, but not a job that I prayed for? is this His way of getting me to come to Him? Is this His way of getting me to do some other things later? Ii am not sure.

I started to go back to trading of FX. For the past 2 days, I traded only 10,000 and make about 160. But inside my mind, I have this feeling that if I were to increase my size, I will get hit. True enough, when I increase to 30,000, my internet connection is down, I could not placed a stop loss. But even if I can, I may still be hesitant to close my position. How can I trade for a living?

I ask God if His plan for me is for me to trade for a living? I did not get an answer, so to me, the only way is to try trading, and if I cannot make it, than that will be God's answer.


What am I to do going forward? I have comtemplated to commit suicide for hundred of times, I get sick of life, I get sick of struggling, I get sick of falling behind. I am a top student in school, from secondary to university, but I failed in my career. Why should I go thru university if this is the case? Might as well just let be finish my secondary school and that's it. At least I have an excuse to fail in life.

I pray to God to give me direction, but I do not think I hear from Him. Oh Lord, what should I do? All I ask for is thagt I can do something I like and make a living, nothing more.... and what I wanted to do is to trade for a living.....I know that I can do it for I have been doing it for my previous companies and have been making money every year. I just do not understand why i cannot trade for myself.

God, please help me and give me some directions as to what I should do.